Brodo's Blog
"Being of no mind and liquid spirits, I, Brodo, born in the year of our Lord, 1957, bequeath my porn collection, computer, and half interest in the Camp Never Rest Saloon to my fifth wife, Codina, age 17. To my son, I leave my Commie Hat, CNR Jersey and my pill collection. To the world, I present Brodo's Blog, where these refreshing words make me a bit of a legend in these parts. It's good reading while chasing beer, even better while having a drink on-the-rocks."
-Brodo
The Enquirer & Brodo's Blog
CONTACT BRODO
ENTRY #1
Okay fellow pouters here is the big news! I plan on a journey around the world to learn more a bout the worlds beer pong tribes. With this, Last night i darted a Ponger running trough the woods in Hastings, I named him Urwada! Now I am planning on training him for several weeks and then strapping the pontoons on to the shack and head down the Mississippi (ala Lewis and Clark). to find the historic secret Aboriginal grounds of the Ponger pongititus. Now I asked Boz to come along, but after some serious consideration he had to back out!
So Marlin Perkins and I will be sailing to regions unknown, How long this trip will last I have no idea, I'm hoping to make it back by festival time. Boz will be in contact with me by ham radio. I know most of you are thinking this is one freaking crazy idea, but in true, I Brodo, will forge on! Now I will keep all informed of my travels by internet.
Operation Ponger, will start as soon as the Mississippi is navigable all the way to New Orleans!
Brodo, explorer extraordinaire and his companion the late Marlin Perkins esquire
ENTRY #2
After much consideration I have realized that I need to lay in some supplies Beer, Beer, Beer, Baubles for the natives, more beer and some Cheetos for me! I have no Idea what Urwada eats yet, but he seems trainable as long as I let him sniff the ping pong ball!
I Have to get the pontoons out of storage, other than that in pretty good shape! oh wait! Need a compass and a map too. I recently heard about some strange tribe in Bora Bora that uses a gum ball and throws it into a liquid similar to Tequila, Might be some distant relative of the Pongers!! won't know til I get there.
Hope the old shack is up too the horrors of the open sea!
Brodo
ENTRY #3
Just letting everyone Know that Urwada's training is not going well, can't seem to get him to understand that the cup is hid friend. I was at the University of Minnesota today doing studies on Ponger habits my friend Dr. Erma Kringe talked to me about her year in the wild studying Ponger habitat's told me about several tribes in Mexico and central America that Might be worth a look see. Now if I could just get Urwada to stop peeing in his pants, I would be happy!
I did find out that if I put a red cup on a stick in front of Urwada he will move faster! the way the weather id going I should be on my adventure soon and in Thor Hierdal fashion making history!
I'll keep all of you posted
Your friend Brodo!
ENTRY #4
I would like to thank my supporters thus far and those who are worried about Urwada turning on me I want you to know that the dart gun is always loaded and at the ready. By the way Urwada is from the screaming Ponger tribe and not the vicious keg throwers or the fire Ponger's, so thanks Boz for the information I cant go towards the kegthrowers cause they already have a bounty on my head, so my big threat is from the fire Ponger's. Marlin who speaks 7 dialects of Pong will interpret my wishes.
Urwada does not worry me right now, Like Sacajawea he is an unknown variable in my plan. I thik he will work out fine however Marlin is skeptical!
Thunder thanks Man for the supplies, the Mexican chapter of the National Geographic society has more for me once I reach them! plus another guide, Paco!! he is said to be a Ponger expert in the field and will escort me to Guatemala!
So for now I pray for good weather and a super training regime for Urwada!
ENTRY #5
I start the day out waking with the sun at 11 am, I then put two raw eggs in a beer and drank them, then a five step run to the bathroom for a 10 minute pee. After a hearty lunch I let Urwada out of his cage and throw pong balls at him for 4 hours (saying the ball is your friend, be the ball)! then after 1st dinner I meet with marlin and do some planning, then it's back to training Urwada! by shooting him repeatedly with tranq darts.
Upon Urwada's training I then down several elixirs and beer chasers til I conveniently pass out, and the next day I Repeat the process! I want you to know that screaming Pongers are only dangerous when on top of trailers while hungover individuals are tearing down next to him.
By the way I have found that screaming Pongers have an innate ability to self stimulate by repetitive outbursts of the same old speech pattern over and over again till you want to shave your head and grow a goatee. I know in your studies you have seen the same behavior if you have any advice I would appreciate it.
Your Buddy Brodo... and the reincarnated spirit of Marlin Perkins Esquire and Urwada
the Corps of Discovery II
ENTRY #6
This a perilous and dangerous mission that I have undertaken! Yes but so was the Lewis and Clark expedition and many other great exploration adventures. I know there is danger around every turn and my choice of comrades is not the wisest but it's for the glory of science that I do this not personal satisfaction or money. To be able to say yes I tried this in itself is a miracle seeing as my associations with the Pongers in the past did not go well at all, however to sit back and do nothing at all is pitiful.
So my faithful friends and comrades I hope you not think me the fool for doing this, for I believe that this is my true calling. To find the not Holy grail but at least my principles that dictate that I must go on. Trust me my friends I do know the danger and am willing to put Marlins life on the line for those principles. Caring not what the odds makers say but what I feel in my heart! However if I don't make it back. You find Urwada and kick his ****ing ass!
Brodo Explorer
ENTRY #7
Urwada's Story
Urwada was born somewhere in the Texas area, he was the only male born to a captive Ponger and Native American Mother. Born into slavery he was taught at a very young age to throw balls at cups and drink copious amounts of beer. After being whipped for losing a match, Urwada tried to run away and was captured and sold to a member of the screaming Pongers. Made to empty garbage and play pong illegal tournaments where people wagered on the outcome Urwada finally made it to the big time Eelpout where he had to play in yet another tournament. He lost and was severely beat, on the way back to Prescott Wisconsin he saw his chance and ran off, was in the woods outside of Hastings where I darted him. This testimony was taken by me through a interpreter who speaks 8 dialects of Pong.
Urwada is in fine spirits and seems to want to help us to find out more about his kind, the rivers are starting to open up so we may be able to push our start time ahead a few days. I want to thank Boz for his steadfast loyalty and selfless devotion to science, to Thunder and DW17 for helping me bring a light to this problem and in a way a solution to the extreme plight, "thunder my thanks to you for the support and supplies dude you are epic"
soon my friends I will be off and with your prayers and encouragement I know I will succeed or get drunk in the pursuit!
-Brodo
ENTRY #8
As much as it pains me to say this I do believe my readers have a point that I was moving to fast! What can I say I had "go" fever. So today I made arrangements to have Urwada put in the Cincinnati Zoo. I then called the National Geographic society and they informed me that they have a guide for me, His name is Milo Phelps he was a Ponger poacher until he saw the error of his ways and then began to study their way's. Milo can lead me through those Ponger infested hideaways and I don't have to worry about any insurrections. Besides after a week without bathing a Ponger can be a bit smelly! Once Milo and I meet and go over our plans it will be time to go!
I want to thank you my friend for showing me the errors in my thinking, Now if I can get marlin to stop playing with the pong balls I will be a very happy explorer! My plans for now are to navigate down the Mississippi out the gulf of Mexico and beyond, as far as the journey takes me. I am hoping to be back for festival!
your friend Brodo!
ENTRY #9
Milo Arrived today and he wasn't anything like i thought he would be! He is 6'2" with a big belly and snarly attitude, I can see why the Ponger's feared him! After seeing how proficient he is with a dart gun, I do believe that I made the right decision, We hired some native Minnesotans nears Pig's Eye Island to help us put the shack back together and Lay in supplies. The only worries I have at this point is that Milo doesn't drink beer, Just straight Black Velvet whiskey. Once again I called My friend Irma Kringe at the Anthropology Department and she gave me a rundown on what to expect!
So we are soon to be off on this expedition Boz is going to keep in contact with me Via our Radio Shack walkie talkie's, thunder will be in charge of resupply I have plenty of darts, radio collars, and eartags so that is no worry but I still feel bad for poor Urwada!
Brodo and the Corps of Discovery II
ENTRY #10
Now for some News: it seems that the Keg throwers have heard of my journey and put a price of a thousand pong balls on my head. They are going to follow us and try to capture us, so Milo, Marlin and I decided to take off in the morning to get a head start on them, we have 650 Cases of Coors light, 250 bags of Cheetos, 7000 darts, 6 sear's 2300 series Dart guns, snake bite kit, and my computer with batteries. I figure the beer will last to Lacrosse.
I have heard the river is wide open from Davenport down to New Orleans, till then sporadic ice in spots.
ENTRY #11
I got a letter from the Cincinnati Zoo said Urwada is sulking and not doing well in his new habitat. I told them it's his diet he has to have more fiber!, and they did say they don't know if they can afford to keep him they never seen a beast drink so much beer before!
I hate Zoo's that don't study their exhibits before putting them on display!
Brodo
ENTRY #12
Well here it came at the final hour we stood upon the precipice of a great adventure just the four of us Milo, our guide and marksman, Marlin the heart and soul of our expedition, myself Brodo the leader of this small expedition and our field adviser Boz. Here to say goodbye to us as we prepare to leave. We had to make several last minute changes to the shack, we put a few more feet around the shack so we could walk safely around it and out a high tower on the roof for sight. We are all in good spirits as we push off watching Boz slowly fade into the scenery around the first bend of the river.
Where we will end is uncertain all we know for sure is that were off and the weather is good we renamed the shack Ponger 1 and seem happy with the arrangements the shores of the river are lined with well wishers as we pass them in the strong currant sitting in lawn chairs in the front of the boat Milo begins to whistle proud Mary and I laugh, feeling a bit like mark twain heading out for some great wild adventure.
Brodo Commander Corps of Discovery II
ENTRY #13
3/18/10
We camped for the night outside of Hastings the residents there had a warm welcome for us they were impressed with the raft and all wanted to see inside it, however we didn’t have the time. I could feel it in my Bones that we needed to go, after a discussion with Milo we pushed off. We had just passed the outskirts of Hastings when Marlin on top noticed an object behind us in the water coming up fast. I looked through my binoculars and was stunned at what I saw; standing on the front of a raft were a large hominid in carhardts and a yellow hat, with eight other rowing the raft. Fear ran down my spine as I saw that it was pallets tied together and using beer kegs for pontoons. We were at the mercy of the currant unable to row.
Milo grabbed one of the dart guns and shot off around but it fell short. Seeing the raft now scared me even more it had a catapult built onto it launching kegs at us! Yes we were facing the Dreaded tribe of the Keg Throwers; with a price in my head and no offensive weapons I feared that we were lost. Milo went into the shack and came out with a burlap bag and climbed up on the top of the raft, unveiled the weapon and I saw that it was a Winchester 302 with a Minolta scope he peered into the scope and I could hear the shot ring out as one of the kegs broke loose from the raft. Another shot and I watched another keg fly away from its restraints, after the third shot I could see the Ponger’s start to abandon their vessel as it was coming apart. Ponger’s floating to the banks yelling in an undesirable language, thanks to Milo’s quick thinking and his inability to follow protocol we were safe for now!
Something tells me we haven’t seen the last of the Keg Throwers yet.
Brodo Commander Corps of discovery II
ENTRY #14
We came to rest on the shore of the Mississippi about 10miles from Victory Wisconsin a little over the Iowa line. I decided at this time to do some field studies, Milo said this was the fire watcher land and that there might be a few around. We radioed Boz on our nifty walkie talkies and he contacted the Wisconsin DNR to let them know that we were in the area. Milo and I each grabbed a tranq gun and started out on different trails, mine was nicely worn and I could catch a faint whiff or burnt wood in the area. Knowing this was Wisconsin I knew that there were two possibilities one, that we have stumbled across a few of the fire watching Ponger’s or two, that this was a Marijuana field and we could have a good night!
Watching in the woods I saw two creatures grunting at one another, each with a cup in its hand and a pong ball in the other! I then caught a glimpse of Milo coming up from the side of them. We both took aim and each got a shot on target, both immediately fell to the ground unconscious, we looked around and their were no others in sight. I took my equipment and checked height 5’10 inches male with shaggy hair and slightly singed fingers so we knew it to be a fire watcher. I took a blood sample and checked its teeth it was a male so I tagged it and put the radio collar on it. The other was a female about 20 in Ponger years (35 in human years) since it was still of breeding age we just took some blood tagged the ear and let it loose, to go back to the tribe. After several minutes the Ponger started coming around so we let them both go and made our way back to camp.
We want to thank Thunder for the supplies Milo was happy to get his case of black velvet and I more beer. On a personal note I can’t shake this feeling like were being watched, I wonder if Lewis and Cark felt like that.
Brodo Commander Corps of Discovery II
ENTRY #15
3/22/10
We spent the day cruising down the river looking for signs of Ponger villages but all we saw was smoke after contacting Boz he stated that the Iowa Bureau Of land Management was doing a control burn and that it wasn’t fire watchers just firemen. I guess not all days are full of fun and excitement! Milo talked about several brushes he had with some of the Ponger’s it leaves me looking towards meeting these creatures in their habitat and getting some good primate studies done. Excitement is still on the horizon and adventure around every bend of the river we have been floating with the currant and tomorrow should be in Dubuque, supplies are holding up well, however we may be looking into bringing a few more workers aboard. Poor Marlins nerves are frazzled and Milo and I have been drinking a bit!
Brodo Commander Corps of Discovery II
Flamer Pong Tribe Circa 1990
